Navigating the Darkness: How My Mother’s Battle with Breast Cancer Shaped My Journey
By: Kevin Holliday
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INTRODUCTION:
I’m writing this blog in hopes of shedding light on the challenges faced by those who love someone affected by breast cancer. For me, that someone was my mother. I want to acknowledge upfront that everyone copes with life’s difficulties in their own way, and my journey wasn’t always admirable. Yet, I wouldn’t change a thing, as these experiences ultimately shaped who I am today.
In April 2000, while I was living in Denver, my mother, Joanna, was diagnosed with breast cancer. She was 1400 miles away in my childhood home in metro Atlanta. This wasn’t her first battle with cancer; she had been diagnosed in 1985 at the age of 41, undergoing a lumpectomy and radiation. The doctors removed 90% of her lymph nodes, and though she suffered from cording—a condition they were unaware of back then—she remained cancer-free until her diagnosis in 2000, which came as a shock to all of us. The need for aggressive chemotherapy only added to the weight of our collective fear and uncertainty.
MY PERSONAL DESCENT:
Being so far from home, my mother’s diagnosis took a significant toll on my mental health. I felt helpless, lost, and unable to provide her with the support she needed. By 2005, I turned to alcohol in search of answers—though, as I soon discovered, it offered only deeper feelings of despair. After my mother passed away in January 2007, I found myself drowning in my own struggles, grappling not just with her loss but with a profound sense of directionlessness. I continued drinking heavily until January 2013, almost exactly six years later. I firmly believe that it was my mother’s spirit guiding me toward sobriety and a renewed purpose.
THE TURNING POINT:
Once I overcame my addiction, I found peace with my mother’s passing. I was finally able to say a proper goodbye and express my gratitude for everything she had given me, both in life and beyond. Inspired by her, I returned to my passion for photography, a love she always nurtured in me during my teenage years. Photography became a vital part of my recovery, helping me rediscover joy and establish a supportive community.
In addition to photography, reclaiming my health played a crucial role in my healing journey. Similar to those undergoing physical therapy for cording, I found that embracing a fitness routine and a healthier lifestyle was my ticket to moving forward. This shift provided me with new perspectives on life, highlighting how the choices we make can profoundly impact our journey—often in ways we don’t realize until we reflect on them. Writing this blog is one such reflection.
Another significant aspect of my healing was achieving a mental state that allowed me to truly say goodbye, come to terms with my loss, and recognize that my future held endless possibilities. When I turned to alcohol to cope with my mother’s struggles, I unwittingly unleashed my own. While I would give anything to have my mother back, I take comfort in knowing she is always with me, guiding my personal journey toward self-worth and growth.
CONCLUSION:
Joanna was one of the strongest individuals I’ve ever known. Yes, she ultimately lost her battle with breast cancer, but in her own way, she triumphed. The travels my parents embarked upon during her early chemo treatments were a fulfillment of her lifelong dreams. They explored the country in their RV, connecting with wonderful people and scheduling treatments in various cities along the way. Her oncologist played a vital role in making these adventures possible, ensuring they could still embrace life amid cancer.
Throughout my recovery, I often reflected on her strength. Such experiences have a way of putting everything into perspective. Many times, I thought about what she must have been enduring while still advocating fiercely for me, my sister, and her grandchildren. Her love was unwavering.
If there’s one takeaway from my story, it’s this: you, too, can navigate the struggles of supporting a loved one through cancer. However, it’s crucial not to face it alone. Seek therapy if you need it, hit the gym, find solace in the universe or a higher power, and prioritize your mental well-being. My journey has been uniquely mine, and I own it wholeheartedly. But your path can be smoother if you take a moment to pause, gain perspective, and stay strong.
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Cheers!